5 years cancer free, God willing, knock on wood or dance naked around the old burr oak tree. I've spent most of my life, since 27 yrs hoping to stay cancer free. 2 types of cancer, one much worse than the other or maybe not. Its something that is just always there, a tiny shadow stuffed deeply behind days filled with wringing out every ounce of grace and joy. When you are a caregiver of someone else you don't find much time to think such things. I'm a grateful caregiver, it keeps me moving forward and not thinking about myself. So grateful we are both still here and able to go on loving each other. Grateful of being a grandma and cuddling small bodies and filling their heads with silly stories, teaching them to swim, pushing bodies down into the pool so they can touch the bottom with their hands, (at their request), and fast as light pulling them back up by their pants to grab another breath of air for their tiny lungs to fill, only for another request to dive back down again and again. Does it get better than that? Little faces behind big green bug eyed goggles. Grandchildren, aged 3 walking past your paintings and making comments, "Grandma, I haven't seen these before." and " Grandma, I don't like the yellow birds, I don't like their cheeks.", and "Grandma, I'm a Painter, I can't go pick up the walnuts in the yard, its not my job.". All my grandchildren, so incredibly bright and gifted and sweet. Themselves budding artists and musicians finding their wings in their own worlds. So very proud of my 2 sons who have grown into incredibly talented, responsible, loving men. Grateful to have had that old farmhouse for so many decades to fix up, clear fields, dig fence posts, raise critters, build the sweat lodge and bring ceremony back to that aching land. Cancer free..seems a bit hollow today when I hear of the passing of another incredibly talented artist, Shary B. Akers. I met her briefly over the phone years ago when I curated an equine art show. I remember well the conversations and could hear such grace in her voice. We are losing too many, too soon. Blessings today to everyone who has had to struggle with this terrifying disease or have had to even think about it, fear it, carry it with them. Blessings to the young woman, Kjersten Snell, I got my Racki dog from 9 years ago, who was struggling with esophageal cancer and lost her battle so young and fought so hard. I pray for a future without this monster. Until then I'll keep moving forward, trying to squeeze every ounce out of a very blessed and juicy life. Namaste.
